By Udo Birnbaum

Hog Alert
For Democrats and Republicans alike

To the battle cry of "a dead hog is a dead hog", the Van Zandt County Commissioners put a $7 bounty on wild hogs, urging citizens to bring the hogs' complete, intact carcasses to the County Extension Office, located in the Van Zandt Courthouse Annex to receive their bounty.

"I would just as soon see us pay only for the older hogs", said Commissioner Jimmy Don Wilson (D-Wills Point), when the issue of maybe having to pay for a whole litter of little piglets came up.

"Yes, but those little hogs become big ones," replied Fisher. "A dead hog is a dead hog".

So if you see someone dragging a 400 pound carcass to our Courthouse Annex, or a box full of little piglets, don't call for the paddy wagon immediately. Unlike Iraq where they are dragging everything out of their public buildings, this is America, and we are free to do whatever we want to do, including making a fool out of ourselves and each other, including by dragging hogs all over the place.

And as an added incentive, to get this show on the road, I am willing to pay an extra $2.33 for the first ten (10) large carcasses (not little piglets) brought to the Courthouse Annex, with an equal donation of $2.33 that I will provide to the Van Zandt County Bloodhound team in the form of dog food to their liking. With the permission of the County Extension Office, of course.

But please, please, don't bring me the carcasses, as I will take the word of anybody claiming to have seen hogs at our courthouse, unless countered by opposing affidavit.

This Alert based in part on the article "Court Not Wild About Hogs" by Vince Leibowitz in the Canton Herald, Thursday April 17, 2003.
Pd. pol. adv. Udo Birnbaum,
540 VZ CR 2916, Eustace, TX 75124